If Looks Could Kill (film)

Independent Films, Film Profiles

If Looks Could Kill (released in the UK as Teen Agent) is an action, comedy feature film. The film is a spoof of the James Bond films.Eighteen year-old Michael Corben (Richard Grieco) of Detroit, Michigan is a slacker. Rather than attending his high school French class, he spends all of his time drinking and partying, until come graduation when all of his debauchery catches up to him and discovers that he cannot graduate without a French credit. He has only one more chance to obtain the credit: the French teacher, Mrs. Grober (Robin Bartlett), and the French Club are headed to France for summer school, and Michael must accompany them and participate if he wants to graduate.However at the airport, a CIA agent also named Michael Corben on his way to France as well, is killed by the assassin Ilsa Grunt (Linda Hunt), a henchwoman of the villainous Augustus Steranko (Roger Rees) who seeks to steal all of the gold in Europe and use it to mint his own coins. Because important details about the agent's identity (including his actual age) had been kept too secret, upon arriving in Paris Michael is immediately mistaken for the dead Agent Corben by members of British Intelligence, and whisked away from the airport.The late Agent Corben's mission had been to protect Augustus Steranko, who (being not suspected to be evil) has been murdering European finance ministers as part of his plan, which includes the late Jacques Lefevre. Despite his efforts to explain that he isn't the Corben they think he is, Michael relents and agrees to play along once it becomes apparent that he will be allowed to utilize high-tech gadgets, including X-ray glasses, exploding chewing gum and sneakers with suction cups, as well as a Lotus Esprit. At first, he enjoys the thrilling adventures the life of a spy provides, but begins to rethink his decision once his life begins being endangered by Steranko's deadly assassins, including Zigesfeld (Tom Rack), a henchman with a robotic gold hand, and Areola Canasta (Carole Davis), who kills her victims using her poisonous pet scorpion.Steranko however captures Michael's teacher and classmates and holds them all hostage at his remote castle stronghold, and now Michael teams up with a girl his own age named Mariska (Gabrielle Anwar), the daughter of Agent Blade (Roger Daltrey) who Steranko and his gang murdered, to bring the villains down and save his friends as well as all of Europe's gold. Despite being briefly captured and imprisoned by Steranko's men, Michael escapes and in short order rescues Mrs. Grober and his friends and battles Zigesfeld in the film's climax.Michael defeats Zigesfeld in a fight, and Steranko, his duplicit nature exposed by Michael, his high school French club/Teacher and Mariska at the ceremony. Steranko kidnaps Mariska and attempts to escape with his gold in his Eurocopter Ecureuil helicopter. Michael manages to rescue her and Steranko is subsequently killed when he falls out of the helicopter, and it and the onboard gold supply both drop on him. Afterwards, Mrs. Grober agrees to give Michael the French credit.