Personal Journal 1: Memories, Missing Pieces and Some Explanations

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I always used BitLanders to blog about things I liked, things I wanted, or things I thought would be of some interest to people. But, in fact, there was something missing in all I was doing. The reality is that I didn't want to blog about those things. This is not because I am lazy to perform the right research or to read about those topics, or even that I didn't like the topics themselves. The thing is that I always liked to journal and journaling I would be able to talk about life from my perspective, even if it is my life or what I see from life itself in my daily steps on the planet.

This first blog is about the memories I still have and cherish in me about my family, friends, school, and life when I was a very little boy. Unfortunately, I won't be able to remember everything, so there will be several missing pieces and I do really hope you all can understand if you are reading this and is willing to follow the storyline. Don't push yourself too hard and, the most important, don't push me too hard. Just relax and read the story. I will be more than happy your eyes reached me somehow.

There is also another problem: I don't have real pictures of my childhood to show you and so I will have to download some from the web so I can give you the right essence of what I am talking about. Maybe this will take a while to process but I will do my best to make it worth reading.


Image source: personal archive (own work)


From +/- 2 years old to +/- 4 years old

It is incredible but I do have memories when I was two years old. I remember fragments of a birthday, well that seemed to be a party as I can remember a cake and also many kids around playing with me. Talking to my mother, the time she was still alive, I shared this information with her and she told me it was my birthday and that I was having lots of fun, running here and there with my little friends who lived in the same neighborhood as I did.

From this time period, I can also remember I had a dog. She was a female dog and all white. There was also a hen house in the backyard and I used to feed the chickens and play with the little chicks. I feel now that I really hated to go inside the hen house because those chickens were so mean to me and they ran after me and I cried so much wanted them all killed! (I am having fun now looking into this picture in my head!) But I loved the little chicks and all I asked my father was to take some out so I could feed them and be with them. I remember my father was always very attentive to me. I can't tell the same about my mom.

After that, I remember I got a bicycle as a gift. Can't remember if it was for my birthday or Christmas, but the bike was there and it was green. Yes, and the brand was Caloi, a huge Brazilian manufacturer of bicycles and everyone wanted a bike that brand. I started very early riding bicycles and I was just like Speed Racer, no one could stop me. My father was quite amazed I could manage to ride it so well at that age.


This is exactly the bicycle I had but in green! Image source: Uma Janela ao Entardecer

 From +/- 5 years old to +/- 9 years old

When I was about to complete 5 years old, my family and I moved from Rio de Janeiro to a State called Espírito Santo and there I spent 4 years of my life. I can tell they were the best ones, as I can remember so many things and people of that place. Not to make it the longest blog in history, I will pick up and describe the best memories.

This is the period when I remember school for the first time. According to my mother, I didn't have any problem being left alone in an institution to study and come back home in the afternoon. In fact, I liked that so much! I also remember I was not much into friendship and I tended to be quiet. Well, I guess this characteristic shows its true colors nowadays but it will be for another blog. But there was a girl named Cláudia and a boy named Marco Aurélio that I remember and they were always next to me and we could have good conversations and play around the schoolyard. Cláudia was really dominant, very brave and wanted to beat us all the time. Funny thing this is, I heard she is single up to today. Why is that? Alright, never mind!

Apart from school time, my father always spent time with me and my sister. Oh, I am sorry, I forgot to mention I have a sister. She is two years younger than me and she was the devil! (Again, smiling here while writing these lines!) Back to the story: my father used to stay home all weekends and we were always going to beaches and parks with him. At that time, my parents weren't separated. My father had to work all week so he was home by Friday and that is why we had lots of fun on weekends only. These are the best memories! He was so nice and so friendly with us both, again, I can't tell you the same about my mother. Anyways, he was always trying to make us smile and all he did was spend all his time with us to the fullest! I miss him and I wish he was still alive!


Image source: ASDA

 From +/- 10 years old to +/- 14 years old

Now, this is the part of my life that means trouble in all senses! To begin with, my parents got divorced soon after my little brother was born and the family cell was destroyed, as many are in the whole world. So, what to do now? Who is going to be with the kids? Where would we all be living? I know these questions were popping up in my parents' minds and I knew a bigger problem was about to arise.

They decided I would be brought up by my grandparents, my brother by my aunt and my sister would stay with my mother. I really have no idea what became of my father and the more I asked, the more I was pushed away from that information. My world was a little gray at that moment. I did understand a great deal what was going on and I still had a family by my side, but my father was not there. That was life at the age of 10 and I had to grow strong and beat the world if I wanted to live. And that was what I did!

The school was my priority and soon after all this aftermath I was in, I turned all my attention to the books and do everything I could learn for my own future safety and well-being. Living with grandparents was not what I wanted but that was what I had at that moment and no matter what I did to understand my situation would be enough to stop the pain of a broken family.


Image source: Rebel Circus

The good part of it was that school was just 200 meters from home and I lived in front of the beach, with plenty of room to play and be happy with my friends. So, after returning home from school I did my homework, read a bit of a book from school and went playing outside until around 3:00/3:30 p.m. when I had to return home, take a shower and help my grandparents with the duties at home. I had to get the bread in the afternoon in the local bakery and so we all could have our afternoon brunch together. After that, I was allowed to go back to studies and then to stay outside for one hour, just talking to my friends in front of my house.

As I said before, that was not the life I wanted, but it was the life I had, and I surely was taking all the advantages possible as a kid to be happy with what I was given. And that was for over 4 more years.

Time was advancing fast and soon I saw myself finishing my O-levels and going to my A-levels next year. I got so many good grades at school, I had good childhood friends, I could go to a really good public school for the A-levels, but still, there was something empty inside of me. Something that I will never get back. Something that was presented to me because of somebody else's choices.


Image source: Josh Humbert's Blog

Missing Pieces

 During this period there are lots of missing pieces and not only this but lots of questions as well. Many of these questions were silenced because there are no grandparents anymore, no parents anymore, so no further answers for the time being. For that reason, the missing pieces will remain lost for a great deal of time until I find them, one way or the other, but everything at the right time. I am not in a rush and, believe me, I don't suffer anything because of this all.

I am feeling glad I found my way through blogging and this is what I am doing during this period of my life. I told myself I would be writing 500 words every single day and look what just happened? I am feeling like a professional blogger because I wrote everything I needed for this Personal Journal 1 I want to publish. And I really do hope you enjoyed reading just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I will end this Personal Journal 1 with a quote of Ralph Marston:

You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.

Quote source:

This Journal was written to be published on BitLanders and shall not be copied or distributed without consent.

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I appreciate so much your time and reading and if you'd like to know more about me, please, feel free to access my Steemit page to read my work in Portuguese. I am quite a living human being and blogging about life is what I do best, being it mine or my observations of life itself.

About the author


My eyes are my pen and pencil! My microblogs and blogs bring my literary work for your comments and interaction. All reviews from you are welcomed!

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