In every relationship, there is always a downfall. There is no perfect relationship. There will always be problems. It is just on how you deal with it.
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Our relationship is not perfect, that is all I can say. There might be a lot of people who are telling us “hey, you really have a very nice love life” but, they just didn’t know there are also sad things that we need to deal with. It only reminds me of this gold bar.
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A lot of people only see gold this way ...
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A lot of people are mesmerized by gold jewelries. But they didn't know how a gold bar is heated and how many processes it took for it to become a beautiful jewelry that would let people turn their eyes on to.
Last night, my boyfriend got mad at me because I forgot to wake him up and he have work that day. He really got mad at me to the extent that he is not even talking much to me anymore. :( I don’t know if that is a reasonable reason to act like that. Because I also got busy that day trying to finish up complying everything for work that is why I forgot that he has work that day. I used to be the one who wakes him up early in the morning so he won’t be able to be late for work but yesterday, I really forgot. :(
It hurts so much not to have you by my side; not to be around you; not to be with you. But you are the pain I will never give up on.
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I feel so bad about myself. I feel that I am just a very useless girlfriend. He even said our relationship is doomed. :( With that being said, it tore my heart PIECE by PIECE. :(
But why? Why is it that he can’t see what I am seeing with our relationship? I know we both make mistakes sometimes, I mean, most of the times but for me, I still see our relationship growing and that these things are only temporary. Probably also because of the thousands of miles that is between us. But it seems to me that he wanted to give up.
One of the most devastating things in life is when .... someone gives up on you. :(
Everday i smile and act like nothing's worng. It's called putting everything aside and simply staying strong.
"Am I worth it?" "Am I worth waiting for?" "Am I worth fighting for?" Those are just few of the questions running in my mind right now while I am writing this blog.
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"Does he really love me?" "Or he was just faking it?" For in the first place, being in a relationship with someone from outside his country was never in his vocabulary. I am feeling so down right now and writing is just one way I can let go of the pain I am feeling.
Hearing him say "This relationship is doomed" feels like I have been shot in the heart. :(
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I never wanted this relationship to end but, how can you fight for something that it is only just you who is fighting for it? You can’t force someone to feel the same way as you do. I don’t know. I am not sure where our relationship will go or when our relationship will end. But one thing I am sure of, I am doing my best to make this work despite the distance.
You are my life. You are the only thing that would hurt so much to lose.
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I remember what my grandmother told me the last time I went to their house. She told me that she has always been praying for me and she is always praying that if my boyfriend is really “the one” for me, God will keep our relationship strong no matter how long the distance is between us. My tears are literally falling right now.
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I hope that no matter what happens, I will be strong enought to deal with it. It just hurts so bad. Even just the thought of him leaving me. It is very hard to invest emotions and end up broken afterwards. It is like building a card tower and when you blow it a little bit, everything falls apart.
Sometimes, it makes me think, was it my fault? Should I just kept myself away from him since the beginning? Because in the first place, I was the one who was always trying to talk to him. :( Was all that I did before wrong? If I never did that, I shouldn't be feeling hurt right now.
Is our relationship strong enough? That, I am not sure of anymore. :(