The story how I won the battle with depression

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There are times when we feel great, and there are times when we struggle. Depending on how strong we are, who is next to us at that moment, we either cope with problems or we fail doing it, and face even with bigger problems, such as depression.

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I grew up in very loving and caring family. I have only one sibling - my brother, and he is older me by three years. As I was younger, everybody in my family cherished me as a fragile flower in our garden. We never were rich, just an average family, but our home was always full of love. After I finished school I went to mainstream: many my school friends chose studies abroad or just migrated searching for a good paying job. I chose it also: a job abroad in order to earn money for my studies. I wanted to get to know other countries, I wanted to feel independent, to be responsible for myself. Especially because my brother already had a good job abroad, he worked two months in Norway and two months spent at home. I wanted to prove that I am also capable to live independently. My mistake was that I chose country too far away from my homeland and went to Italy alone.

No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them. Alana Stewart


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My Life in Italy and Loneliness

I went to Italy in 2008. I was so excited and impatiently looked forward to the trip. Even the idea that it would take a few years to live in a foreign country did not stop me. I found a job there, found accommodation, but all time I felt alone. Alone between strangers. Yes, I was a young girl, at that time I was just 18 years, and I easily could make friendships, but all the time I felt home longer, and I realized that I had to make efforts to keep the not broken connection between me and my motherland.


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However, everyone who has spent several years in a foreign country knows how difficult it is. The only way that the connection would stay maintained is the return to our homeland. I am very pleased to have succeeded in taking this opportunity. But it happened not so quickly...

The start was not easy, it affected me emotionally very strong. I remember how I cried at nights and condemned myself for this journey. But at this time, I lived together with two girls, one Polish, other Ukrainian and we were in a good relationship. All free time we spent exploring the country, so it decreased my longing. After a bit more than a year, one girl came back home, another started to live with her boyfriend and their place took a couple from Slovakia, very quiet, not communicable people. I started to feel very lonely.

At that time I worked as a waitress in one little cafe, worked till late night and when I came home, I did not want anything, just lay down and fall asleep. sometimes I even forgot to eat a dinner as was too tired.  I needed to wake up early and go to clean one office, so sleep hours were very short. 


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I worked a lot, I worked long hours without any rest so I could make more money. I thought if I earn more money as soon as possible, the sooner I could go home. I even did not realize how started to feel worse and worse. Coming home after midnight from the work, I wanted only one - to lay down and to stare at the ceiling with no thoughts about anything.

Now, when I look back, I can admit that my state was like I had a depression. Soon, I abandoned the morning work, and I ended up lying on my bed all the free time, looking at the ceiling, I did not want to do anything, searched for reasons not to go to work. I still had to work in the evenings, but wanted to jump into bed as soon as possible. Even the conversations with my family turned out to be sluggish, uninteresting. Strange, but I did not cry anymore, there were no tears as at the beginning. When I talked with my parents I always assured them that everything is OK and rushed to end the conversation saying that have to do this or that or just rush to the job. I simply lied.


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For those who have never dealt with depression, it's hard to understand that this is not a fad, caprice or a lack of will. When you speak in the abstract, it's one and then it's easy to say - oh, it's a disease. However, when you fall into depression, you do not know how to behave. When a leg or hand is broken, you can show a break to others and it will be clear that you are sick. And here's an inner thing that's not tangible. 

I do not know if I was in a true depression, but I truly was very close to it. I was feeling pessimistic. I accepted it not as a disease, but just as a feeling of loneliness, of longing. I wanted to come back, but was ashamed to say it to my parents, to friends that I failed. I did not want to disappoint them. I was walking like in the mist. Good thing, I started to understand that something bad is going with me. I lost much weight as ate badly and rarely. My colleagues constantly asked if I am ill. I come to stranger country in order to earn money for my studies and I thought I had to be abroad until succeed to do it. It was hard to recognize myself and accept that I failed, that I do not want to be far away from everything I loved and what was close to me.


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It was very scary, the anxiety attacks got in, the memory began to disrupt, I experienced panic attacks. Thank God for having a family. I accidentally heard the radio broadcast about depression and got scared for real. What is going on? Am I depressed? I have depression and I am alone in a foreign country? They said depression can end with suicide? That evening I was scared for real. I can't even describe how I was scared. That night I first jumped into tears after a long time and wrote a message to my brother: "I have depression, I feel bad". He called me after a couple minutes and that night we finally talked from the heart, I stopped lying to them. Good, I still could recognize what is going on with me.

Thanks to my brother I finally came home after almost three years, I graduated with my studies and even dared to live two years more in another country, but it was already with my boyfriend, so I did not feel alone there.

I'm glad I succeeded to go out of that emotional horror. Because there will not be a second life. After all, if someone gives you any very cute thing, and that thing is stolen from you, you can buy the second one, but still, it will not be the same... But here it is about things, it's about life. 

Be Grateful For Life And all Challenges

I remember how once listened YouTube with Nick Vujicic, a man without legs and arms. I will not repeat correct his words, but he said that the challenges of living can be sad or inspiring. If you can live, be grateful for it. Get rid of depression and anger through this grateful appreciation. Take one step, then take another one, give it momentum and create the life you want.

How true it is. Especially when you know what the challenges this man went through. And you have no right to complain about small misfortunes that come your way of life. There are so many people who enjoy life being a thousand times more disadvantaged than you are.


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Life is so fun, and if you do not enjoy it, you do not even imagine what pleasures you may lose: it can be new wonderful love , another great job, other life joy, finally - maybe a lottery win. Therefore, keep your thoughts clear, enjoy every day because life is a collection of fortuities. Enjoy and be grateful for every second that life is giving you as a present. 

 A few words to all economic migrants

I know everyone wants a better life, wants to create a better life for their family and children. And we all have such right to go there where we are paid more. But now I write for those who have some doubts about life far away from a homeland. 

I wish to those who are considering the coming back to their homeland never doubt in their homeland. We live in a period where young professionals are highly valued and welcome. I believe that in any country, there are many promising companies, which will surely provide excellent working conditions and a medium for improvement together.


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So why is it worth returning? Because your native country is your home and you have to feel real desire to contribute to the improvement and development of your country. If all of you run away from the homeland, who will create a future for your homeland?

So, to everyone who thinks, it's worth returning to the homeland or not I want to say that nothing is impossible - don't be afraid to dream and take a firm stand towards the goals set. Undoubtedly, you will need to make an effort to succeed, but it all depends on you, and opportunities and great opportunities will certainly be in the future. I dared to come back to my homeland in the hope of a bright and successful future. And will you dare?


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