Today, I am a Feather

Posted on at

SUN 12:08AM




I read somewhere that when your heart gets broken, it is either of two things. It could be like a bomb and everyone else would know that you are damaged. That you are bleeding. That you are not okay. And there is another scenario wherein, it feels like a feather slowly flying and dropping through the wind. And the saddest part is that, no one can really hear and feel it.. but you. 


I have been both.


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I happen to be a loud and transparent person. I say what i feel and i say it most of the time out loud. I cry and laugh and feel. I am a bomb. I make people see that i do exist. I tweet and post and say that i am not fine. But not today. Sadly and unfortunately, i am more of a feather today. My heart is breaking inside of me. I feel it breaking into pieces. I hear it being crushed inside my chest. But still, i chose to watch my newly purchased dvd and tried not to feel. Or at least not tell people know how i really feel. 

I love my man with all that i have. I never thought that i would meet someone and see moon, sun and stars inside their eyes all at the same time. I never pictured myself saying that i couldn't breathe because of a guy. But here i am. I am eating my words.


It is so hard to breathe. I even wonder how i have survived being far from him. I have been waiting for him from a distance. I have been waiting for a long time. I used to think that maybe if i wait a little. If i stayed and made him feel that no one could love him like i do. He will have the guts and the courage to choose me. I am hoping that at the end. I will end up happy. I have been giving everything to everyone ever since day one.


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Why can't i have the only thing that i wanted for myself? 



Oh i know.. you would tell me to get over it. That i am smart, pretty enough and amazing. That i should get the love i deserve. But i want his love. I don't want anything else. I hope to be happy someday. I don't know how this will turn out. But today, i will be a feather. I will try to let not people notice that i am indeed falling apart. I may leave him tomorrow too. Who knows.


The heart can only endure what it can.


But i am again a feather. Drifting, flying and slowly dropping through the wind.



Image credits to www.shutterstock.comhurting

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